


overwatch league collection

by hanzo shimada (ubercharge)



Category: Professional Overwatch RPF
Genre: Betrayal, Crack, Gen, Overwatch League - Freeform, Revenge, Satire
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-22
Updated: 2018-04-28
Packaged: 2019-03-22 17:52:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13769391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ubercharge/pseuds/hanzo%20shimada
Summary: fresh hot piping owl memes streamed into your computer from dave and mimi™





	1. Chapter 1

"this is for ilios ruins. don't think I've forgotten" pine says. "dude its not like you lost every sniper duel we had" fleta says. pine picks him up and tosses him at the basketball hoop but because fleta is a human person and not a basketball he doesn't go through the ring.

"that was kind of excessive" fleta says.

pine dabs.


	2. Chapter 2

the movie tickets were free. the matt who wore the 69 on his jersey proudly asked the others if they wanted them.

"i've never watched a movie in my life" jiri 'linkzr' masalin replied.

"i'm busy" matt 'clockwork' dias said before putting his fist through the twentieth alarm clock he'd brutalized that day alone. "maybe another time"

"it's hair time" shane 'rawkus' flaherty said, flipping his glorious mane "you should come help me i'm gonna dye it" he added before heading off

"i would there's totally movies i want to see but i have to help shane keep his hair perfect and glorious in case he needs any help. it'd be a crime not to help" christopher 'bani' benell said

austin 'muma' wilmot didn't say anything but he left the room while shooting matt finger guns. lucas 'mendokusaii' håkansson didn't say anything because his teeth were being pulled

"matt it looks like nobody wants to go see movies so i'll come see movies with you" jake says

"well i was actually gonna head over to ask the others-"

"come on let's go grab a bite and go see movies i'm starving. i haven't eaten anything all day except for breakfast i had chipotle but i gave the rest to shane because he said he was doing his hair today and i figured he could use the energy. not that he really needs extra help or anything but we're a team and we're friends and family you want to know we can be there for each other you know? i feel bad because i didn't get anything special but it's still food and food is fuel, that's what matters"

"i was thinking daniel might want-"

"you know, the first time i saw a movie, i was amazed. have you watched beauty and the beast? i remember i actually watched it in french but with english subtitles and i think the english dub loses some of its charm. obviously it was animated for english voice acting but i think the french adds a whole other layer to it. the story is originally from france or something like that. well not the disney version it's probably really different from the original version, but i'm sure disney's take on it is just as good as the original. and it has more dancing teapots and candlesticks hahaha that's always fun right? but they didn't make the beast look much of a beast he kind of just looks like a werewolf guy but maybe a lion instead of a wolf. like a werelion."

the entire time matt is walking over to the elevator, pressing the buttons, and jake continues his meandering train of thought

"do you think a guy who can turn into a lion would be called a werelion? that would be so sick just imagine the full moon appears and raAARGHHHHhrhrhGFHGh you're a LION now whoa that's so much scarier than a wolf. maybe it wouldn't be the full moon though i don't know what's relevant to lions. what other animals would be cool? what if someone was a werewhale do you think they'd have to time everything just right so when they go into whale form they're in the water? then they'd be prepared for whale form. it sounds like a hard life to live i don't think i could live like that"

the nearest in n out is where they head because that's all californians eat apparently is food from their staple chain restaurants nobody eats anything else it's just hipster food and avocado on toast and green juice. and mexican food because it's right there. and that's california basically. but before they make it there they spot félix 'xqc' lengyel and matt says hello because it's the polite thing to do even when jake is talking about were-people next to him yes he's still going on about that

"i knew i shouldn't have left the apartment today" félix mutters to himself except maybe in french who knows which language he thinks in it could go either way probably

"good afternoon félix" matt says, like a decent person encountering someone else he's familiar with on the street

"hey," félix says, obviously not wanting to be there but being socially roped into small talk because there's not really anywhere to escape

his brain is screaming one thing to him over and over again.

_J LUL K E_

jake stops mid-tangent about the inconveniences about were-furries having to shave and flashes félix a grin before greeting him with a "hey man" which is how americans talk to each other

"wanna come see a movie with us" matt says "i have tickets and everything"

"uh i have........................." félix says, trailing off because it's technically his day off and he was going to stream because he spends most of his waking hours streaming but what if that's not a sufficient excuse. would that be rude. he wants to go back to his apartment and eat his jack in the box in peace. the ice cream will melt "i have to go... do........................... streams"

"ok" matt says

"come on it's your day off you should take a break from sitting around so much" jake says "you're always cooped up in your room streaming you should obviously do something else now like watching movies it'll be fun you know"

félix thinks about the sr he lost to jake's junkrat on the ladder and frowns but while jake continues on about movies he has a brief flash of sympathy for matt who will undoubtedly have to listen to this all day which must be terrible of course

"fine why not" félix says and both matt and jake look surprised probably because they were expecting him to say no and things would have ended there

"alright" matt says

"awesome let's go see movies i'm glad you have tickets hey where did you get the tickets from? i remember i had this one friend who worked at the theatre and it was like, you could see all the movies you wanted for free basically. you'd get free tickets and you'd have enough to watch whatever you cared enough about to waste two hours on which must be such a great job perk"

then they arrive at the theatre, respective fast food meals already finished, and it's not long before they're comfortably seated. félix doesn't pay attention to whatever movie they're waiting for, jake is still talking, and matt is listening to him, making the occasional comment

félix is thinking about how he can tell his stream about this later

_hey guys i was out watching a movie earlier and you'll never believe with who. you'll never believe it. what- whom? ok whatever with whom. it was matt and JJJJJJJJJJAKE. like, J LUL K E, can you believe it? i can't even believe it. LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLL_

"yeah that sounds pretty good" félix mumbles to himself with a nod

matt gives him a look but he doesn't notice. jake is talking about weresheep now and if you shaved their wool how would that affect their human form's hair. it is not related to the movie at all. nobody is watching it


	3. Chapter 3

"hey i gotta show you why they call me 'coolmatt69'" matt 'coolmatt' 'coolmatt69' iorio says

"do they really call you that with the 69 at the end?" austin 'muma' wilmot asks "i think you mostly just go by coolmatt, it's more convenient"

"dude do you want to see or not"

"yeah go for it"

matt puts his sunglasses on and does a kickflip on his skateboard. he looks so cool while he does it

"dude that was so cool" austin says

"i know right that's why they call me coolmatt69"


	4. Chapter 4

félix 'xqc' lengyel walks into the overwatch burbank coliseum and greets his valued coworkers.

"hey everyone do you guys like my new haircut"

shane 'rawkus' flaherty gets up from his seat and walks out of the room quickly. félix's teammate, kim 'rascal' dong-jun, replies but he says it in korean so félix doesn't know what he said. while everyone else is replying, trying to remember how to be polite and tactful and considerate of others' feelings, jay 'sinatraa' won takes a picture of félix's new haircut and posts it to his side instagram account:

_'epic overwatch pro fails'_


	5. Chapter 5

"we're not doing so hot but I'm looking forward to widow duelling pine" fleta says to his team in the hallway. 

pine materializes from the shadows and cracks his knuckles. in his mind's eye he sees ilios ruins and in his heart he feels the curves of his mouse, the buttons he presses, the siren call of the trigger.

"remember I'm in for ilios" pine says as he settles into his seat.

"sure! :)" mano says with a smile, all sunshine and rainbows.

excelsior crushes dynasty and pine welcomes king of the hill with open arms. the first round on well is nothing. the second round is on lighthouse and dynasty roars back. there is no fear in pine's heart as they load into ruins.

on the other side of the stage, fleta sighs to himself. he snipes pine. pine is resurrected. he is sniped again.

he dabs.


End file.
